That being said, I'll give a little background because it's always nice to read about someone else's story. So around May or June of 2011 I had noticed a little lump, probably a bit bigger than a marble near my collar bone. I told my mom who is a nurse, and we just decided to keep an eye on it to see if it went away. Well weeks passed and it didn't go away. By that time I was starting to get worried and went straight to the internet. Of course the first thing that pops up when you google 'lump in neck' is cancer. I have a sister that is quite the hypochondriac so we were used to people jumping to hasty conclusions. Who would have thought that it would actually be cancer! Not me thats for sure! It was actually just very annoying and came at a very inopportune time.
It was September 2nd when I got diagnosed to be exact. I had just been accepted into the nursing program at Kent State so classes were just starting. I had moved into a nice little apartment off campus and everything was just going smoothly. Too smoothly obviously. So long story short, I dropped 3 classes and stayed in 2. Started chemotherapy a week after being diagnosed and ended up moving back home after having to spend 4 flippin days in the hospital due to neutropenia. Surprisingly, having cancer didn't really scare me. Probably because my doctor was so sure he could squash it.
But the thing that bothers me the most is my hair. It's such a superficial thing if you really think about it. Hair doesn't define you. It's not what makes you who you are. Sure it makes you beautiful but beautiful is more than just your looks or outward appearance. Its just some weird stringy stuff that sprouts from the top of your head. So why does it bother people so much? Probably because without it you look like this weird bald bird. Atleast thats what I think. It definitely didn't help that I had super long, brown, curly awesome hair. Yep, I loved it. Absolutely in love. So of course when I found out I would lose it I was devastated.
Anyway, that was four months ago and now my worst fear has come true. I am as bald as they come. It's funny how you kind of just get used to things. It's really not all that bad except when you want to go some place thats not your house. My 'cave' as my family and I have come to call it. I have scarves upon scarves and hats and wigs and plenty of jackets and sweatshirts with hoods. Funny thing about the wigs- I have 3 and hardly ever wear them. They add up to a grand total of around 3,000 dollars. Pretty much 3,000 dollars down the drain but hey, I didn't know. Something that we can all laugh about later I guess!
So my hair started falling out about 10 days after my first chemo treatment. It was horrible because that was when I was in the hospital. I took my hair out of my bun and ran my fingers through it. BAD IDEA. It came out in clumps. It was weird because you would think your scalp would hurt but mine only did sometimes. It was a weird tingly feeling and got all red. But I cut my hair a week later to my shoulders. I think I ended up donating 9 or 10 inches. I guess it's something you should feel good about, but because it wasn't my choice I was just pissed about it. A week after that I had to cut it again because it was getting too thin and stringy. So now it was about 2 and a half inches long and actually didnt look that bad. I didn't like it of course but at that point it was better than nothing.
Eventually I had to cut it again. This time we just shaved it off. By then I didn't even care, just did not want to have ugly, thinning, old lady hair anymore. And this is where I am now. It is now January 8th. My last treatment was December 30th. Great way to spend the New Year right? All drugged out on anti nausea meds. But it actually was very nice and I got to spend it with my paralyzed friend whom I never get to see from Florida.
I think I shaved it off at the beginning of December, so between then and today probably around a centimeter of ugly baby fuzz hair grew. I have pictures do not worry. I just feel like it is nice to know what happened to other people so then you know what to expect.
My eyebrows have also fallen out. They have always been thin but now you can actually count how many I have left. I also lost almost all my bottom eyelashes. I think I have 4 left on the left side and 6 on the right? I lost some on the top but they mostly just got really thin. PUKE.
So that is that and now I will post some pictures.
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